Parenting: an Extreme Sport

When I fell pregnant, like most people I was absolutely ecstatic. We’d been trying for months, and the relief was palpable. I’d passed the test! Easy. Now all I have to do is grow a human, pop it out of my vagina, feed it, clean its bum and help it avoid premature death by strapping...

Reasons I am an Excellent Parent

It's easy to lose sight of your parenting achievements. The small wins can get overlooked because at times, the epic failures become all too consuming. But listen: it's all about reframing that shit stuff. Here's how I have recently affirmed my excellent parenting: 1. When my son puked last week at 3am, the vomit projectiled...

Guide to packing your bag for a day out with the kids

Yesterday my husband picked up my rucksack bag just before I was due to embark on a day out with my two kids aged 5 and 1. He commented on how heavy it was. 'What the hell is in here?' he said, totally confused. I scowled, and replied, 'every item in this bag is absolutely...

Me and the black dog: a journey with post-natal depression

PND. It's time to talk about it. I have it. My little friend that sits beside me. Recently, I've been getting to know it, talking to it, shouting at it, hating it, feeling ashamed of it, asking it questions and being full of rage. I think: it's not fair. My life is no worse than...

My Delicious Love Affair

I'm in love. It's true. My husband knows about it, yes. It's the most efficient, productive and healthy love affair I've ever had. It's with my SLOW COOKER. Yes, ladies. If you havent got one, fucking GET ONE. On principle, I'm fiercely against 'shoulds' in parenting, but truth be told, every new parent SHOULD, YES...

My relaxing alone time. All by myself. Completely alone.

It's been 24 hours since my husband was selfish enough to go and earn some money straight after Christmas and leave me ALONE with our kids. Luckily he's back now, so I've decided to have a bit of me time. I've been in the quiet solitude of the bathroom for about three minutes watching the...

Guess How Much I ACTUALLY Love You

Little Bess and Percy, who were going to bed, held on tight to Big Mummy's hair and clothes. They wanted to be sure that mummy was listening, because sometimes she was playing on her phone or daydreaming about a time before she had children, and sometimes she was actually asleep herself. 'Guess how much we...

The Ultimate Conundrum: what to do with 10 minutes of peace and quiet

So the baby has napped and is (reasonably) happy in his bouncer. I know through experience that this will last a maximum of ten minutes. Ok, now here comes the ultimate conundrum: what to do with this precious hands-free time. I have plenty of options. The kitchen is a mess. There are crumbs all over...

Kissing the Third Eye: a Tale of True Love

This week, my three month old son has decided that sleep is just, quite simply, uncool. Sleep is for the weak. He has also decided that being awake is far more fashionable in this day and age; after all, why sleep when you can whinge and cry and generally just be a cranky, overtired, royal...