Should I Apologise When My Child is a Dick?

The short answer is of course no. Also obviously yes. I mean definitely, it completely depends on how dickish your kid has actually been. If your kid has butted another kid in the head and caused them to haemorrhage, then some kind of regretful language is probably in order. But after my kid clumsily bumped... Continue Reading →

Violet (flash fiction)

New York Flash Fiction Challenge 2020: Round 2 Challenge 1 HISTORICAL FICTION/BLACKSMITHS WORKSHOP/BENCH Violet Today is my birthday. Mum gives me some marbles, a penny, and tells me to buy myself a chocolate bar. I haven’t had any marbles of my own before. I’m excited, so I head up to Violet’s room. She looks worse... Continue Reading →

Bones (flash fiction)

New York Flash Fiction 2020 Challenge Round 1: Challenge 2 FAIRYTALE/PRIVATE ISLAND/TURTLE Bones Legend has it that off the coast of Essex, England, there rose from the sea an island called Osea. It was owned by the decrepit witch, Morire. Her skin was ragged and sharp and she had worms for veins that fed on... Continue Reading →

20:33 (flash fiction)

New York Flash Fiction Challenge 2020 : Round 1 Challenge 1 SUSPENSE/DARTBOARD/TRAIN STATION 20:33 In 1947 there existed a little train station in the English countryside linking the cities of Ipswich and Norwich. It stood shed-like and derelict, nestled in fields of rapeseed so yellow they reflected a numinous light back up to the sun like... Continue Reading →

Parenting: an Extreme Sport

When I fell pregnant, like most people I was absolutely ecstatic. We’d been trying for months, and the relief was palpable. I’d passed the test! Easy. Now all I have to do is grow a human, pop it out of my vagina, feed it, clean its bum and help it avoid premature death by strapping... Continue Reading →

Reasons I am an Excellent Parent

It's easy to lose sight of your parenting achievements. The small wins can get overlooked because at times, the epic failures become all too consuming. But listen: it's all about reframing that shit stuff. Here's how I have recently affirmed my excellent parenting: 1. When my son puked last week at 3am, the vomit projectiled... Continue Reading →

My Delicious Love Affair

I'm in love. It's true. My husband knows about it, yes. It's the most efficient, productive and healthy love affair I've ever had. It's with my SLOW COOKER. Yes, ladies. If you havent got one, fucking GET ONE. On principle, I'm fiercely against 'shoulds' in parenting, but truth be told, every new parent SHOULD, YES... Continue Reading →

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