Should I Apologise When My Child is a Dick?

The short answer is of course no. Also obviously yes. I mean definitely, it completely depends on how dickish your kid has actually been. If your kid has butted another kid in the head and caused them to haemorrhage, then some kind of regretful language is probably in order. But after my kid clumsily bumped...

Violet (flash fiction)

New York Flash Fiction Challenge 2020: Round 2 Challenge 1 HISTORICAL FICTION/BLACKSMITHS WORKSHOP/BENCH Violet Today is my birthday. Mum gives me some marbles, a penny, and tells me to buy myself a chocolate bar. I haven’t had any marbles of my own before. I’m excited, so I head up to Violet’s room. She looks worse...

Bones (flash fiction)

New York Flash Fiction 2020 Challenge Round 1: Challenge 2 FAIRYTALE/PRIVATE ISLAND/TURTLE Bones Legend has it that off the coast of Essex, England, there rose from the sea an island called Osea. It was owned by the decrepit witch, Morire. Her skin was ragged and sharp and she had worms for veins that fed on...

20:33 (flash fiction)

New York Flash Fiction Challenge 2020 : Round 1 Challenge 1 SUSPENSE/DARTBOARD/TRAIN STATION 20:33 In 1947 there existed a little train station in the English countryside linking the cities of Ipswich and Norwich. It stood shed-like and derelict, nestled in fields of rapeseed so yellow they reflected a numinous light back up to the sun like...

‘Back to Normal’: Post-Covid Anxiety and Excitement

My Back to Normal Post-Covid 19 Anxiety Levels (I've affectionately called this: BNPCAL) are through the roof. It’s been eleven weeks since quarantine began, and the duality of lock down is as prominant as ever. Love it and hate it as most of us do, it's been possibly the most bizarre and surprising time of our lives....

Parenting: an Extreme Sport

When I fell pregnant, like most people I was absolutely ecstatic. We’d been trying for months, and the relief was palpable. I’d passed the test! Easy. Now all I have to do is grow a human, pop it out of my vagina, feed it, clean its bum and help it avoid premature death by strapping...

Reasons I am an Excellent Parent

It's easy to lose sight of your parenting achievements. The small wins can get overlooked because at times, the epic failures become all too consuming. But listen: it's all about reframing that shit stuff. Here's how I have recently affirmed my excellent parenting: 1. When my son puked last week at 3am, the vomit projectiled...

Guide to packing your bag for a day out with the kids

Yesterday my husband picked up my rucksack bag just before I was due to embark on a day out with my two kids aged 5 and 1. He commented on how heavy it was. 'What the hell is in here?' he said, totally confused. I scowled, and replied, 'every item in this bag is absolutely...

Me and the black dog: a journey with post-natal depression

PND. It's time to talk about it. I have it. My little friend that sits beside me. Recently, I've been getting to know it, talking to it, shouting at it, hating it, feeling ashamed of it, asking it questions and being full of rage. I think: it's not fair. My life is no worse than...

My Delicious Love Affair

I'm in love. It's true. My husband knows about it, yes. It's the most efficient, productive and healthy love affair I've ever had. It's with my SLOW COOKER. Yes, ladies. If you havent got one, fucking GET ONE. On principle, I'm fiercely against 'shoulds' in parenting, but truth be told, every new parent SHOULD, YES...